04.07.08
Knowledge + Love = Trust
“I set foot in this city, and just walking down the street, it was like roots, like the motherland. I knew I belonged here.” ~Oprah Winfrey
I wake up every morning and I am no longer just Claire- I am Ms Claire. At St. Margaret of Scotland Preschool I live the next 8 hours of my day as Ms Claire. As silly as it sounds this “new name” is something that I have new profound respect and love for.
Darren, Timaya, LeNerikah, Kyler, Shakeira, Camron, Jalen, Jenesis, Kaniya, Bryce, Keith, Darion, and of course- Taleese. These 13 children have impacted my life more than I could have ever imagined. Now I would be lying if I said that I just walked in to the class room and knew what I was suppose to do. On my first day, the lead teacher, Ms Gunn- who I will talk about more later, welcomed me to sit by her and as the children sang “Names Names” - a song where they stand up and say their name. Now as you have already read, the students name are beautiful but also very unique- so I took a deep breathe and thought “…here goes nothing”.
As the days passed and the students realized that I was not leaving, I learned more about my responsibilities and found more of a definition in my job. In the same account, the students learned that I would not be leaving, so they pulled out all their “tricks” as Ms Gunn calls them. Every single one of them tested me as children often do- seeing how far they could go in doing what they want, seeing if I would really punish them when they put on their “innocent” face, and other smart tricks kids often try. With my past experience working with children some of their tricks were old news to me, however there was something different.
As I listened to their conversations with each other, I realized that while they are still just babies, they are living a life that I knew very little about. They talk about guns, violence, and other things that children of that age should just not know about. I had one student tell me that he was going to shoot his brother simply because they had been in a silly argument. He was 4 years old.
The weeks passed and I found myself being completely overwhelmed and intimidated. Yes, I was intimidated by 4 year olds. Who was I to come into their life and tell them what they should and should not do. I was a white college graduate working in a school where the entire student body is African American and many of the students come from broken families with little to no money. It was at this point that I was reminded of something that Fr. Joe said over and over during orientation: knowledge + love = trust.
I leaned on my roommates, my faith, and Ms Gunn in trying to fully establish myself in St Margaret and discover what I was suppose to do in my 10 months on the South Side. My role as Ms Claire eventually became clearer as I learned about St Margaret of Scotland, opened myself up to my students and talked more and more with Ms Gunn.
About seven months have passed since that first day of “Names Names” and as Fr. Joe said, the knowledge and love that I have gained and given to my students, Ms Gunn, my roommates, and myself has established an intense bond of trust.
I have given my heart and soul to my thirteen little ones and I have learned so much about them and myself. I have gained confidence in teaching them, which is a result of gaining knowledge and giving love. Even if they live in a world of violence and uncertainty, I see there innocence when we play “I Spy” or sing the “Green Alligator” Song. I have hope and faith in them that they will achieve great things. If it was up to me I would put them all in a bubble allowing them to avoid any pain and tragedy that they may face in their young lives. Obviously, I know that could never happen, but I hope that my time with them will show them how they should always believe in themselves no matter what.
Ms Gunn, the lead teacher, is one of the most phenomenal women I have ever met. She loves her job and students fully, but do not let that fool you- she cracks a mean whip. The lessons that she bestows on their young minds is something that I strive to do. She shows them that life is not all about guns, violence, and gives a daily reminder that “we are all friends at school”.
My roommates- where do I even begin. Amanda, Brett, Jeannie, Pat, and Susan- while its safe to say I do not think Chicago will be the same after our time here, there are no words, expressions, or thoughts to truly explain how much I simply appreciate and love the five of them. There have been ups, downs, ins, and outs, but what it truly comes down to is that I know everyday I will be having dinner with 5 people who have become my extended family. The knowledge that they have shared with me about themselves, in combination with the love we all share, creates the trust that will carry on. No one may ever truly understand this experience unless they have lived it and I am happy to have shared every moment with them.
In my experience with my students, St. Margarets, Ms Gunn and my roommates, my time as a volunteer has allowed me to create a deeper relationship with God. I have learned the power and creativity that can be found in prayer. I also have a profound respect and appreciation for the idea that God can take all forms. I see God in my roommates when we sit in the office for hours on YouTube, in Darion when he finally learned to tie his shoes, in the homeless man who gratefully takes the PB&J sandwich we all made for him on Michigan Ave, and in the phone calls and emails I have received from my friends and family at home.
I would like to leave you with a few words from St. Augustine: “What does love look like? It has the hands to help others. It has the feet to hasten to the poor and needy. It has eyes to see misery and want. It has the ears to hear the sighs and sorrows of men. That is what love looks like.”
Love ‘n Hugs,
Ms Claire 